* If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT:
* When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
* When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY:
* A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
* A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS:
* A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
* The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS:
* A woman has the last word in any argument.
* Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE:
* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
* A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS:
* A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
* A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE:
* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
* A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP:
* A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
* A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL:
* Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed.
* Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING:
* Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams.
* A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
YOUNG WOMAN GETS LESSON IN POLITICS
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college.
Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.
She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.
One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father.
He responded by asking how she was doing in school.
Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.
Her father listened and then asked, 'How is your friend Audrey doing?'
She replied, 'Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over.'
Her wise father asked his daughter, 'Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0? That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.'
The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, 'That's a crazy idea, how would that be fair? I've worked really hard for my grades. I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work. Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off.'
The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.'
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